


Disorder is Prudence

by Lazarusmycroft



Category: MorMor - Fandom, Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Jim Returns, M/M, PTSD, Post Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:37:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1743305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazarusmycroft/pseuds/Lazarusmycroft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim returns post Reichenbach and Sebastian is sure he has lost his mind finally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Delusions of a Psychopath

_The sky was cold and grey, a few solitary snowflakes fluttered lazily down while the wind blew frigidly. The two dark figures on the roof seemed to be dancing as they moved about, one obviously antagonizing the other. There was a moment when it seemed as though the two would embrace and then the glint of cold steel as a gun was produced from the pocket of the shorter person._

Sebastian sat bolt upright in bed, sweating and hearing the report of the gun on that rooftop all those years ago. It was so clear and precise that it could have happened right in this very room. He closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath and tell himself once again that it was only a dream or, more precisely, a nightmare.

He glanced sideways at the clock, 5:00 A.M. At least he had an extra thirty minutes today. He flung his legs over the edge of the bed and reached for his ripped t-shirt that he had thrown on the floor the previous night. Every night for the past three and a half years he has had the same nightmare. Every night when he closed his eyes he has been forced to relive the worst day of his entire life and he had had a pretty shit life until then so it was really saying something.

He went to the kitchen of his flat and turned the kettle on then he went to the bathroom to shower. He was so tired, so incredibly exhausted that it was a true miracle that he was even able to stand upright. Since his boss, Jim Moriarty, blew his brains out on the top of Bart's hospital in London, Sebastian felt sure that he hadn't slept more than a handful of hours. He was constantly haunted by the man's dark, lifeless eyes staring blankly. Even now, while awake he was being haunted by the man.

He stood in the water stream of the shower for a full forty minutes letting the heat relax his tense muscles until he became aware that he had forgotten the kettle and he jumped out of the shower and ran to turn it off. He sat at the small table with a towel around his waist and stared at the headlines of the paper without seeing, his eyes were out of focus.

He sat that way for some time until his mobile vibrating on the counter snapped him back to reality. He blinked in confusion, trying to locate the source and then he stood to grab it, he looked at the display screen and he went cold. The phone stopped buzzing and then immediately began again.

He held it tightly but didn't answer, this was impossible, there was absolutely no way that this number could be calling him. It was simply not possible.

The ringing stopped and then started again and still he didn't answer. He was numb and his brain had stopped functioning. His knees began to shake and as the mobile rang for the fifth time he sank back into the wooden kitchen chair. Finally, as it began ringing for the sixth time he slid his finger across the display, answering it.

"Yes?" He said into the receiver, not sure what he was going to hear. If he had thought previously that he was unprepared then he hadn't a clue just how true that was. It was a miracle that he happened to be sitting because when he heard the voice on the line he nearly fainted.

"Did you miss me?" That taunting, infuriating, beloved, irritating Irish lilt echoed in his ears and his head swam. Sebastian slammed his fist down on the table with so much force that piece of the wood chipped and he made his hand bleed but he didn't notice or care.

"Is this some sick fucking joke? Is this funny to you? Who the fuck do you think you are and how do you have this fucking phone?" He said into the mobile in a deadly quiet tone of voice.

The line was silent and then he heard the call disconnect. Shakily he set the phone down on the table and he just sat staring at it for a moment then he got up and went to the bathroom where he splashed his face with ice cold water and got dressed. He had finally just convinced himself that he had hallucinated the call due to lack of sleep when he heard a knock on his door.

He was puzzled because he _had_ no one and certainly not anyone who would come calling at his door at, he glanced at his wristwatch, nine in the morning. He went to answer the knock, tucking his dark button up shirt into his jeans as he went.

At the door he stopped and checked to make sure that his gun was fully loaded and cocked. He put his eye to the little peep hole on the door and for the second time that day he lost feeling in his legs and his knees almost buckled. He put a hand on the door frame to steady himself and took a few deep breaths before opening the door.

Standing just outside on the landing of the flat was the most impossible sight. Sebastian blinked rapidly a few times as his brain tried desperately to make sense of what he was seeing. The dark suit, the jet colored hair, those darkly amused eyes with exaggeratedly arched eyebrows that pale skin and the irritating little smirk on his lips revealing just a tiny bit of his white teeth.

"You never answered my question from our phone conversation earlier today, Sebastian." He drawled in his ringing lilt, sounding positively bored.

Sebastian couldn't recall consciously making the decision but suddenly his feet were carrying him forward and he had raised his fist. He hit Jim Moriarty squarely on his jaw and he loved the sharp jolt of pain that ran through his knuckles and into his wrist, the sensation of hitting something really solid. He only struck just once but the look on Jim's face was entirely worth it as he staggered backwards and was now rubbing the spot with his left hand, looking stunned.

Sebastian took a deep breath and he turned and walked back inside his flat and closed and locked the door behind him. Inside, he leaned against the door frame breathing heavily and clenching his fists as he tried, in vain, to calm himself. How could this possibly fucking be happening? He must really have snapped, that was the only explanation that made sense but, well, his jaw had felt very real as Sebastian's fist connected solidly with it.

He walked away and began pacing the room, the inside of his skull felt as though it had a run away train contained there and his ears were buzzing incessantly. He knew what his eyes had told him, he knew that his fist had hit someone because his knuckles were slightly bruising but Jim was dead. He _knew_ Jim was dead because he saw those eyes staring lifelessly with the glinting pistol lying next to his body.

How could this be, _how_ could he possibly be here, it didn't make sense so the only thing that did make sense was that he had finally snapped. His mobile buzzed once from the table where he had left it earlier and he went over to it, he had a new text message.

_~You will pay for that, Moran.~ **JM**_

He threw the phone down on the table as though it had burned him. He stood silently staring at it for a few minutes before shaking his head roughly from side to side as he tried to figure out what to do. This was unfair and cruel, what had he ever done to deserve to be haunted so cruelly?

A while later he decided to go out, figuring it would help him to clear his head. On his way out he passed his neighbor from downstairs as she tried to wrangle her screaming toddler into his carriage. Sebastian smiled wanly and kept walking, not being in the mood to talk today. She had other ideas apparently because she shouted his name as though she only just remembered that she had something to say to him. He briefly considered pretending as though he hadn't heard her but he stopped and turned back.

The kid had finally stopped screaming and she looked harassed but she smiled as he approached. She was a single mother and very attractive with blonde wavy hair and blue eyes and she was always trying to initiate something with Sebastian, she had no idea how slim her chances really were. He came and stood, wondering what would be the best way to end the conversation quickly.

"I was just wondering if your friend was able to locate you yesterday? I haven't seen you around and I offered to take his number for you but he said no and that he'd try back today. Were you able to see him? He said it had been years since the two of you had spoken..." She trailed off with a curious look on her pretty face.

Sebastian felt his head swim and he had to take a few breaths before he could speak properly. The kid was now chucking his little toys out of the carriage and looking for attention once again. Sebastian cleared his throat before answering. "Uh, yeah I did see him. But tell me, what did the guy look like that you spoke to?" This wasn't possible, he kept repeating those words in his head. Jim Moriarty was dead, a bullet in his brain. Blowing your skull off usually left people in no position to be walking and talking.

She stood with her hand on her hip while she thought about it. "He wasn't very tall, nicely dressed, dark hair and he wore sunglasses the whole time. He seemed a bit...secretive." She paused and looked thoughtful, "You're not in any trouble are you?" She asked after a moment as though the realization had just dawned on her.

Sebastian smiled toothily at her and shook his head. "No, I'm not in trouble. I'm sorry to ask but, if you see him around here again would you mind texting me? I've got to run now though, late for an appointment."

She smiled warmly at him and agreed that she would let him know and Sebastian thanked her and hurried away. As he walked he felt the same dizziness from earlier in the day and he was trying with all his might not to look over his shoulder continually. How the hell could this possibly be happening? Jim was dead, for God's sake Sebastian had _buried_ him!


	2. Kätzchen

Over the following days Sebastian began to feel as though he truly had imagined the whole thing with Jim since he hadn't heard a peep and he hadn't seen any more apparitions.  He was relieved on the one hand but on the other he just couldn't stop himself from being a bit disappointed.

Charlotte, the blonde single mother from his building, stopped him at every chance to try and speak with him. One day as he was running out, heading for the gym and then to do some errands, she caught him in the entry way. Her child was mercifully not with her, Sebastian had had yet another sleepless night and he didn't think he could bear the sound of the kid screaming.

"Oh, heading to the gym?" She asked, making small talk needlessly while she eyed his athletic bag.

"Yeah, I try not to let myself get too lazy, you know? Do you need something?" He replied and then realized how gruff he sounded and immediately he felt a little bad.

She looked a little taken aback but it passed quickly and she was chatting animatedly in no time. Finally Sebastian looked at his watch and decided it was time he bit the bullet here. She had mentioned on no less than three times during their current conversation that her kid was with his dad tonight and she was free so Sebastian resolved to end this once and for all, tonight.  He would let her down gently.

"Do you want to have dinner?" He asked and was amused by the shocked look on her pretty face. She smiled widely and agreed. He said he would see her around eight and he headed in the direction of the gym.

After completing his workout he called and made a reservation at the new sushi place in town that seemed to be drawing a lot of people and then he headed back to his flat for a shower and to get ready.

He let himself in and threw his bag on the floor near the door and as he went into the small kitchen he became aware that there was something on his counter. Sebastian lived a very spartan existence and he didn't tend to have too much clutter about, so the fact that an object was on his counter at all easily attracted his attention. He approached warily and in the dimness of the flat he saw that it was a solitary red rose with a card lying next to it.

The envelope was made of an expensive parchment paper and the handwriting was not recognizable to him. He grabbed a knife from the block on the counter and sliced it open carefully. The thick ivory card inside inside simply read:

_~Kätzchen~_

Kitten? There was only one person who ever called him that, who ever dared to taunt him in his native German and call him such a thing. He grabbed the blood red rose and the card and threw them both in the rubbish bin under the sink and turned to go for a hot shower.

A few hours later he had put the thought of the card and the rose out of his mind and he left his flat to go and pick up Charlotte at her place down stairs. He was dressed in his nicest suit, dark with beautiful stitching and a light lavender shirt with a silver tie. He knocked on her door and was stunned when she answered it wearing a scarlet dress with a plunging neck line and low cut back. She wore dainty pearls around her neck and wrist and her lips matched the dress. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves just below her shoulders and she wore very high, shiny black stilettos.

She smiled shyly at him as she closed the door behind her and checked to be sure it was locked. He held his arm out to her in a gentlemanly fashion and she happily hooked her manicured hand through it and allowed him to lead her to the taxi waiting at the pavement. He found himself thinking how difficult he was going to find it, letting her down tonight. She looked really beautiful and he didn't anticipate the easy conversation they shared either.

Before he knew it dinner was finished and they were discussing the topic of dessert. They decided against it and instead chose to go back to his place for a night cap. They laughed the entire cab ride there and Sebastian found himself thinking that he really couldn't remember the last time he had truly laughed, it felt good.

They entered his darkened flat and Charlotte announced that she was just going to freshen up. He went and poured them each a drink and he undid his tie and threw it on the back of the kitchen chair. Charlotte came back out a moment later and she came to sit by him on the sofa, they chatted idly for a bit and before he even realized he was doing it he had leaned forward and cupped her chin in his large hand to bring their lips together.

She was stunned at first but almost immediately she opened her mouth to allow him access. He felt her slight weight shift a bit closer to him and he felt a thrill. They sat that way and kissed for a few moments and then Sebastian pulled away to look at her while smiling widely.

"I suppose that was just a bit presumptuous."

She smiled back in return and leaned in to kiss him again, Sebastian felt himself becoming aroused and he tried to center himself to make it last longer. Charlotte had moved so close to him that she was practically on his lap and he had his strong arms wrapped tightly around her thin body. His hand went smoothly to the zipper at the lower part of her dress and he undid it. He heard her sharp intake of breath and he stopped to look at her, she smiled shyly again and encouraged him.

He decided to make his move so he stood and scooped her up easily in his arms, he heard her shoes fall from her feet to hit the tile with a thud. He took her into the bedroom that was just off the living area and he gently set her on the bed. She was looking at him with a mingled look of surprise and longing.

"Why are you staring at me that way?" He asked her as he undid the buttons on his shirt.

She was hesitant to answer but she seemed to have made up her mind and she replied, "I never really knew what to make of you, sometimes I thought you were attracted to me and other times....well...I just wasn't sure if you were attracted to anyone or anything."

She looked down at the floor as she finished speaking and he approached her, kneeling down in front of her. He put both hands on her soft face and brought her mouth to his, kissing her passionately. He then deftly lifted her dress above and over her head, breaking away from her only to let the material pass between them then he was on top of her, pinning her to the bed with his weight. He made a point to rub his erection against her thigh so she would see that he was, in fact, attracted to her, she giggled.

In one of his large hands he held both of her wrists easily above her head while his other hand slid up her thigh and pushed aside her lace and silk panties. He slid two fingers inside her and he heard her gasp with pleasure as he kissed her neck causing her to moan softly. He teased her that way for only a moment longer and then he was on top of her undoing his trousers and sliding them off.

He stood momentarily to remove his boxer briefs and he saw her eyes widen slightly in surprise then he was on top of her again. He slowly slid inside and he looked up to make eye contact, she arched her back urging him to go all the way in so he did. He moved slowly at first not wanting to hurt her and when he felt her nails digging into his back encouraging him he began to move faster.

The sound of their sweat dampened skin coming together made him move even faster and it wasn't long until Charlotte was tensing around him and moaning loudly while saying his name breathlessly. He felt her legs tighten around his hips and he was sure that her nails were drawing blood on his back but he didn't care he welcomed the pain.

Sebastian pulled out just as he felt himself going over the edge. He then collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily and laying his head on her breast listening to her accelerated heart rate. That was the first time in nearly four years that Sebastian had been with anyone and he now felt very conflicted. Her hand came to caress the back of his head and he smiled into her sweet skin.

The following day he awoke before her and he went to the kitchen to start breakfast and make tea. He was just thinking how happy he felt, it had been so long since he slept a full night and didn't have a single nightmare. As he entered the kitchen, wearing only his boxers he was stopped in his tracks by a startling sight.

"My, _my_ Kätzchen, you never made _me_ scream like that. I'm a bit disappointed."

The man or apparition or whatever it was that looked like Jim Moriarty was sitting lazily at the kitchen table fondling a pocket knife and looking bored. Sebastian felt his knees begin to shake.

"You've kept fit, my dear." He stood and came to where Sebastian stood, frozen. He leaned in so his mouth was right near Sebastian's ear.

"You're going to have to go home, very soon Sebastian."

Then he turned and was gone so quickly that if he hadn't left the knife stuck in the table top Sebastian wouldn't have believed he was really ever there, even _with_ the knife in the table he still wondered.

Over the next few days he was able to convince himself once again that he had just imagined the specter that took on the shape of Jim Moriarty but he couldn't help feeling anxious constantly and he stopped returning Charlotte's phone calls. He began avoiding her in the corridor and if he did run into her he made up excuses as to why he had to dash.

One day, a few weeks later he was heading out very early to go for a run, the sun hadn't even risen yet. As he stepped out to the pavement he became immediately aware that he wasn't alone as he should be at this early hour. He instinctually tensed for a fight but he wasn't prepared for delicate hands that came from behind him and stuck a syringe in his neck. The last thing he saw before the world went black was Charlotte's beautiful face looking down at him in pity.


	3. Abhaile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming

He knew that _something_ was about to happen, he had been here before, he had seen that bleak winter sky with the fluttering snow flakes. He also knew that what was about to happen would result in him sitting up in his bed and sweating while trying to shake off the nightmare. He was vaguely aware that the nightmare was somehow different and he didn't yet know _why._

He saw those two waltzing figures on the roof top and he wanted to shout out but he had no voice. Every time he opened his mouth to shout he felt himself choking and gagging yet he knew he had to try, he had to stop the next few moments from ever happening. He saw the cold metal glint in the brief wintry sunlight but instead of hearing the shot that always resulted in his waking, all was silent.

He was waiting tensely, even though he knew he wasn't conscious he was waiting to hear the shot but nothing happened and then he saw him. Dark hair slicked back from his high forehead, his dark eyes were dancing with amusement as his mouth quirked into a taunting smile. He stood in front of Sebastian and held a pistol limply in his left hand which hung at his side.

"Did you miss me, Sebastian?" He asked, his voice mocking.

"All the land thought I'd killed him, I didn't though, did I?"

He held his hands out at his sides and spun around on the spot, as he turned his back briefly on Sebastian he saw that the back of his head was a bloody mess from a bullet that had passed through, blowing off the back of his skull. Jim knelt down to where Sebastian was presumably located and he looked all around, turning his head in every direction as though looking for eavesdroppers but also affording Sebastian a close up view of the mangled back of his head.

When he turned his head back so he was face to face with Sebastian the face staring at him was no longer Jim's, rather it was a skull with gaping black holes for eyes and a permanent sneer that were the white teeth. Sebastian tried to shout out once again but he still had no voice, he blinked a few times and his vision began to clear. He no longer saw the damp grey London street outside of Bart's hospital, he was in a plush room on a bed. He tried to move his arms and feet and found he couldn't , so, tied to a bed then. His head hurt like hell and he couldn't recall readily what had brought him here.

He stopped struggling, knowing that he would need his strength if he stood a chance of escaping....whatever this situation was. He turned his head from side to side, trying to breathe through his nose because the gag was choking him. He couldn't see anything that gave any indication of his location, he could tell that he had trousers on but no shirt and his hands and feet were tightly bound.

The room was simply decorated, no pictures on the ivory walls, the shades were drawn and let in no hint of light so he was unable to tell if it was night or day. There was one straight backed wooden chair in the corner and a single bulb hung from the ceiling above his bed.

Where had he been when he had been attacked? _Why_ had he been attacked? He couldn't remember and it was infuriating. Time ticked by in an agonizingly slow manner and Sebastian lost feeling in his hands and his feet and every single muscle in his body had cramped painfully. Finally after an interminable amount of time the door at the far end of the room opened and a slight figure, clad all in black, entered and approached the bed where Sebastian was dozing, an effect of whatever drug had been used to subdue him.

The figure came to stand above him and he blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision. The beautiful porcelain like face of Charlotte smiled down at him, her crimson colored lips parting just slightly, her blonde hair was tied sleekly back from her face. She brought a long nailed finger up to his cheek and trailed it down along his jaw.

"Look at you Sebastian. You've allowed him to cloud your thinking and now you are in a...sticky....situation. "

As she was speaking she sat on the edge of the bed and leaned in to untie his gag. Sebastian gulped in the much needed air and felt the muscles in his jaw cramp painfully as he used them for the first time in hours.

"So, what is it that you want from me then? I have nothing to offer. Are you angry with me because I never returned your call after we fucked? This is a bit extreme."

He said sarcastically while she sat sneering down at him, her pretty face transformed into a mask of hatred and suddenly something silver and shiny appeared in her manicured hand.

"You don't seem to be in any position to use sarcasm my dear Sebastian. You are here for reasons that you may never understand but rest assured, I know how I plan to use you." She smiled mockingly once more as she brought the blade to his right cheek and trailed it down to his jaw leaving a shallow cut that oozed crimson and her face was transformed again to a beautiful porcelain mask.

"So, who is your boss then? It's fairly obvious that this isn't your enterprise, it's a bit more than you're probably capable of sweetheart, no offense."

He asked her warily while keeping his grey eyes fixed on the knife in her hands feeling his cheek smart from the fresh wound. She had just stood up from the bed and now she turned and slapped him sharply across the face making his head snap back and causing his skin to sting on his opposite cheek. He didn't allow his shock or anger to show however, he gritted his teeth and smirked at her in what he knew would be a very irritating manner.

She glared down at him and then leaned down, placing a hand on either side of his naked torso and brought her face close to his and she remarked sneeringly, "When you're ready you _are_ going to tell us all we want to know. I know your kind and I know that you aren't about to start singing just yet."

Sebastian was confused but before he could make any snide comeback she had stood and was heading for the door. His face still stung from where she had hit him and he felt the blood congealing on the other side as the room was now thrown into darkness as she flicked the switch.

Sebastian was left alone with his thoughts for far too long, the room was dark as pitch and he could feel himself slipping in and out of consciousness due to lack of food and water and also as a side effect of the drug in his system. He tried desperately in his haze to understand what was happening and for whom Charlotte could possibly be working. Inevitably his thoughts turned to his late boss and then he began to wonder.

A few days later Sebastian was snapped out of his stupor once more by the sharp sound of heels on the hard floor. He blinked a few times in confusion having forgotten where he was, it had been days since he had been brought here and he hadn't been moved since nor had he been allowed anything to eat or drink.

"Are you ready to talk, _Kätzchen?"_

Charlotte's voice cut through the silence and it all came flooding back to him. The past few days of torture and deprivation in an effort to get him to talk. It turned out that Charlotte and her employer were after information regarding Jim Moriarty. They simply refused to believe that he was in fact still dead and it didn't matter what Sebastian said to the contrary.

The use of the name _Kätzchen_ made his blood boil but he was in no position to do anything about it at the moment. His face was a swollen and bloody mess, his left eye was just a slit and his arms, legs and torso were covered in scabbing cuts inflicted by Charlotte's favorite toy, her knife. He sighed deeply trying to find his voice and wincing at the pain in his ribs as he breathed.

"I've told you, he's _dead._ I really can't make it any clearer."

He croaked and he could feel his parched lips cracking with the effort of speaking. He couldn't really see where Charlotte was standing and it wasn't until the other voice spoke that he realized she wasn't alone today.

"Colonel Sebastian Moran, I don't want to continue hurting you. I know you have had contact with him and we could clear this up and send you on your way to recovery if you would only cooperate."

The voice that spoke through the gloom was strangely familiar yet he couldn't quite place it. It wasn't until she stepped into his view that realization flooded him and he knew this couldn't end well. _Mary Morstan_. Jim had promised to ruin her because of her disloyalty and if she now truly thought he was alive somewhere she would stop at nothing to ruin him first.

Sebastian lost the will to fight, she was ruthless and he was completely helpless. She would never believe that he really didn't know where Jim was if he was really alive which Sebastian still didn't really believe. He figured that this would end with her skinning him alive, if he was lucky.

She leaned over him and her face was lined with the pure hatred that she obviously felt. He smiled grimly at her trying to hide his resignation behind a mask.

"You _will_ tell me Sebastian. You will tell me where he is and then I will kill you and I will do it _slowly_ and enjoy every second of it."

As she was leaning over him she had pressed Charlotte's blade painfully on a particularly nasty wound causing it to reopen and begin bleeding. He grit his teeth against the pain. She did not relent. He tried not to shout out as she dug the blade deeper into the skin of his chest causing him to black out momentarily. When she removed the cold steel from his skin he felt the warmth of his sticky blood on his chest and his breath was ragged.

"I-I really...don't...know what...you're talking...about. I swear, he is...dead. I buried him, I stood at....his...grave."

Mary sighed dramatically as she methodically wiped the shining blood from the blade in her hand. She put her hand out, palm up and Charlotte placed a glinting revolver in her grasp and Mary leaned over him once more, smiling evilly.

"You aren't going to get many more chances Sebastian, it's in your best interest to start talking darling."

She waited a moment and when he didn't speak she hit him sharply across the face with the butt of the pistol and his world slipped once more to blackness, a blackness which he welcomed as a reprieve from the pain. He had no idea how long he laid there unconscious, floating in a sea of pain and misery.

He would periodically hear Jim's high Irish lilt, disembodied in the blackness. Sometimes he would see his face or feel his cold hands on his body or smell the slightly spicy scent of him. Sebastian wondered vaguely if this was death, if so, it wasn't that bad but there was a considerable amount of pain and he didn't like that. In fact, the pain was getting marginally worse, he grunted once and grit his teeth as he could feel a burning sensation on his chest and arms.

He wanted to open his eyes but he found he couldn't, he tried to move his arms or his legs and they felt like they were made from lead. Then he felt nothing again for some time.

Sebastian blinked his eyes slowly, trying to clear the haze from the edges of his vision. He moved his fingers and toes, then he tried his wrists and ankles. Next he lifted one extremely heavy arm from his side and found he was no longer bound. He looked around groggily and saw that he was in a very white, very sterile looking environment. His brain could not catch up and then he heard something that made his heart leap in his chest and also made a monitor somewhere beep erratically.

"I thought you'd never wake up Kätzchen. Welcome back."

Sebastian looked around and tried to sit up but a cold hand and alarming beeping made him lie back down, out of breath and feeling as though he were being stabbed with white hot knives. The pale, handsome face of Jim Moriarty came into view above him. His suit was light colored and perfect, his dark hair was sleek as always and his dark eyes danced as they actually appeared... _worried._

"How-how....you're dead, Jim. Stop doing this to me." Sebastian pleaded with what he still assumed to be an apparition.

Jim's face turned momentarily apologetic. He laid a cold hand on Sebastian's forehead and then he leaned down and kissed him softly there. When he spoke his voice was so very different than the way Sebastian remembered, there was no sharp edge, no taunting or hateful ring to it. He sounded...resigned and relieved all at once and also a bit...remorseful.

"I might actually owe you an explanation, Sebastian. I needed you to believe that I was dead, obviously, I am alive and well. Better off than you in fact." His voice turned a bit sneering near the end but he immediately went back to apologetic.

"I needed to get to Morstan before she got to me, she had the power to ruin me and I couldn't allow that. I knew that if I tricked that dull detective into thinking I was dead that she would believe it because she had been watching him. I also knew that she would be watching you and you needed to believe I was really dead."

Sebastian closed his eyes against the creeping pain in every inch of his battered body as he tried desperately to follow what Jim was trying to tell him. Jim was alive, he was truly and really _alive_ but, he had lied to Sebastian and allowed him to believe that he was dead for three and half years. That wasn't the worst part of it though, he had also allowed Sebastian to be captured by the lunatic assassin and be tortured all in an attempt to lay his hands on her before she could ruin his business.

Jim just stood and watched as Sebastian laid with his eyes tightly shut and he felt a pang of white hot anger at sight of his bruised and battered face and he had never felt happier in his life to have murdered someone. He did feel badly that he had allowed Sebastian to be nearly killed but it was over now and the bitch and her minions would not be bothering them anymore. He had to make Sebastian realize that he only had their best intentions in mind.

Sebastian spoke without opening his eyes, he was in so much pain but he did not want the morphine to cloud his thoughts while they had this conversation.

"Where are they? Mary and Charlotte and the others, the ones who did this to me?"

Jim's voice was barely audible yet somehow it was firm and conveyed his distinct pleasure.

 _"Dead."_ Was all he responded and Sebastian felt his hand in his hair, caressing.

"How? Who in your network knew you were alive and who helped you?" Sebastian now opened his eyes and looked up into Jim's face, he was pleased by the fleeting look of shame.

"Janine, my sister. She helped me get close to the bitch and her people, she infiltrated their regime. Just a few of our old men were about to help me with some of the...less favorable deeds. I had the very distinct pleasure of dealing with Ms. Morstan myself however." His lips curled into a sneer as he said her name and his eyes took on a far away glaze as though he were trying to savor every detail of her death at his hands.

"Jim I honestly don't care if you faked it by using blanks in the gun and a blood pouch, it truly doesn't matter. I just don't understand why, why you couldn't tell me."

"I told you darling, I needed you to appear genuinely distraught at my death. It was all an act."

Sebastian sighed as the pain was getting worse and he almost couldn't bear it any longer, he asked, "But why? Why did you come...for..me.....at....all". He was barely able to speak through the pain and Jim reached out and fiddled with the tap to increase his morphine then he leaned down and kissed Sebastian very softly on his swollen mouth.

When he stood up he looked down at the now dozing sniper and said, "Because I love you, you idiot."


End file.
